Let’s talk about putting yourself out there as an Adult.

It’s hard to make friends as an adult. No matter how old you are.
I’m a connector, and certainly an extrovert, but putting yourself out there as an adult is hard. I’m the kind of person who, if there is nothing on my schedule, I will take a walk down Main Street just to see who I can interact with. And I always say "Hello!" (Especially at the dog park.)
But here’s my theory. We’ve forgotten how to connect. We’ve gotten cozy. Dare I say, lazy?! Between social media and 2020, we either feel awkward about it or have lost the energy to put effort into it. And let’s be honest - IT TAKES SO MUCH EFFORT TO MAKE CONNECTION. It’s way easier to put something on Stories on the ‘gram and call it a day. But that’s just not the same as meeting in real life, or talking on the phone…

As we approach the holiday season, it’s a ripe time for talking about connection. Seemingly there will be more opportunities to meet new people or re-engage with family members.

I’ll be navigating the holidays in a way that is totally different for me. Between divorce and the midterm election, creating space just feels better right now. It’s made me realize that Thanksgiving and the holidays can actually be a stressful situation, especially when forced connections are at play. So this year, I’m making the holidays about focusing on myself and creating new traditions that I want to celebrate. Part of me justifies this with the reasoning that my kids have their own plans, airfare is sky-high, and that I hosted Thanksgiving for 26+ years. But I’ll be honest, it's a bit of a Dare.

For those of you who want a few more examples for inspiration, here's a list of helpful ways that work for me in making connections:

AN EXTROVERT'S GUIDE TO CONNECTING

If I don’t have something on the calendar, I walk down my Main Street or head to the dog park.
I really do make it a practice of saying "Hello" to those I encounter. If you don't feel like greeting people, a smile goes a long way too.
Take yourself out on a dinner date. And begin to find places you feel comfortable going to on your own.
I like sitting at the bar because I can talk with the bartender, which often leads to conversations with those seated around me. Plus, when I sit at the bar, it's not as obvious that I'm alone.
Switch up "grabbing drinks," with having coffee at your place.
For me, there's something more relaxed about drinking coffee around my kitchen table, than serving cocktails, especially when mixed company is involved.
If you work remotely, host weekly coworking "Power Hours" with other remote working friends and colleagues.
I love when different perspectives come together and you're able to bounce ideas off each other.
Host game nights with friends.
Board games are the ultimate connection tool.
Make a point of talking to the cashier at the grocery store.
The last time I was at the market, I watched 3 people get checked out before me and not one of them looked up from their phone?! When it was my turn, I asked the cashier how her day was going. She stopped and smiled at me, and said "Better, now that you ask." Not tooting my own horn, just pointing out that us humans are hardwired for connection and when we don't get it, we languish, whether we're introverts or extroverts.
Go to your local farmer's market.
This time of year is my favorite time to go to the market. The autumn harvest seems extra bountiful to me, and the craftspeople are out in full force selling their handmade goods for the holidays. Go alone, or with friends and enjoy the high vibe of the season.
Have I mentioned the dog park?!
Ha! It is my tried and true go-to, especially for those afternoon slumps when I really don't want to leave the house. Plus, Milo and Noodle make it worth my while every single time.
Send your friends and family letters.
Yes, real hand-written notes that share the mundane, as well as the thrilling aspects of your life. Let them know that you're thinking about them. There's something quite special about receiving a personal note in the mail these days.
Share your stories and practice vulnerability.
Our stories matter. They provide the space for others to connect with us in unexpected ways, and they enable us to reclaim parts of ourselves that we may have forgotten about or intentionally set aside for a while.
Trust yourself.
Trust that you will say "Yes" when it's right for you. Trust that when you engage, you will find ways to meaningfully connect.Trust that you will recognize opportunities to connect that you may have ignored in the past. And trust that alone time allows you to reconnect with yourself.