How to Make Friends as an Adult

Have you heard about the loneliness pandemic?

Today I wanted to talk about the challenging, humbling, and oftentimes lonely adventure life hands you as an adult woman: making friends.

Back in the day when my kids were young and in school, I had a built-in community of parents who shared the same experiences and worries. We made friends through our kid’s playdates, school events, PTA meetings, and all the wonderful chaos that comes with parenthood. But as a 57-year-old woman, it's a bit different. Especially now that my life has gone through a lot of transition.

In the past four years, it feels like every major life event has hit me. My kids graduated high school and left home, I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I went through a divorce, and I moved across the country for a new, small-town life.

And while I’ve had wonderful, long-time friends throughout my life, it’s only now that I’m beginning to feel I have those “on purpose” friends, as Mel Robbins calls them, here in Bozeman.

(I just listened to Mel’s latest podcast “Where Did All My Friends Go? A Simple Guide to Finding Your People” and it was fantastic! You can listen to it here.)

Once our children grow up and leave the nest, we find ourselves standing at a crossroads, wondering where our path leads. I’ve exchanged many a DM with women telling me how they feel stuck. They are lonely in their house and don’t know what to do.

Making friends as an adult can be tough because we often have less time and energy to invest in new relationships. We've got careers to focus on, responsibilities to juggle, and the lingering question of "Will they like the real me?" constantly swirling in the back of our minds. It's natural to feel a bit hesitant and vulnerable when putting yourself out there.

But I’m here today to give you a little hope and inspiration. Making friends as a woman holds its own unique opportunities for growth and connection. But for me, it has given me the chance to rediscover myself and forge relationships based on shared interests, values, and genuine connections.

Here are a few gems of wisdom that have helped me along my own journey of cultivating friendships and getting out of my loneliness bubble…

A Guide to Making Friends as an Adult

1. Embrace your passions. Pursue activities and interests that truly light you up. When you engage in things you love, you naturally meet others who share your enthusiasm. Whether it's joining a book club, taking a cooking class, or taking a retreat, being in spaces where your authentic self shines will attract like-minded souls.

2. Say "yes" to invitations. Commit to breaking out of your comfort zone and accept invitations, even if it feels daunting. Attend social gatherings, networking events, and even take up opportunities for solo travel. These experiences offer an array of chances to meet new people and broaden your horizons.

3. Embrace vulnerability. True connections are built on vulnerability and authenticity. Be open about your desires for friendship and share your experiences and dreams with others. Remember, many people are also seeking genuine connections and will appreciate your honesty.

4. Seek out communities. Find communities and groups that align with your values. Attend meetups, workshops, or join online platforms that cater to your interests or hobbies. The beauty of seeking communities is that they inherently provide a shared sense of belonging and understanding.

5. Nurture existing relationships. Sometimes, the key to making new friends is nurturing the ones you already have. Reach out to old friends, reconnect with acquaintances, and deepen those connections. Not only does this expand your support network, but they may also introduce you to new people who align with your values and interests.

6. Be a good listener. When engaging in conversation with others, genuinely listen and show interest in what they have to say. Ask open-ended questions, validate their experiences, and create space for them to share their stories. By being a good listener, not only do you foster meaningful connections, but you also learn more about the people around you.

7. Be patient and persistent. Making friends takes time and effort. It's not always an instant connection, and that's perfectly okay. Be patient with the process and remember that building strong connections is a journey. Keep showing up, keep being your authentic self, and trust that the right people will come into your life when the time is right.

Remember Darling, making friends as an adult may be challenging, but it's also an opportunity for growth and self-discovery. Embrace the journey with an open heart, trust your instincts, and above all, be kind to yourself along the way.

Curious about finding opportunities to connect with like-minded women?