I'm going to talk about my other big D word.

Divorce.

Because for the first time in a long time, I feel really good where I’m at.

But many in my circle DO NOT understand why I’m alone. Or let alone, why I'm feeling happy about it.

I make an effort to stay connected with my people, many of whom live far from Bozeman. But it’s not like I've totally isolated myself, or that my friends and family haven't heard from me. What I've come to realize is that part of the resistance I'm feeling is that many around me are watching me evolve — and that is scary to them.

Most of my friends and family, including my mom and sister, are in very wonderful, long-term (My parents have been married for 60 years!), loving relationships. For them. But in a way, I see that some have also isolated themselves through their partnerships. They, like many in our generations, have never lived alone and most of their social activities are intertwined with their husbands. If they're out, they're with their husbands and their husbands' friends. But rarely alone. This was me too. And I certainly hadn’t lived alone until I left my marriage. Also, for a while, I did feel lonely. It's only recently for me, in the past year really, that I've started to feel my strength in solitude. And this is a good thing. This is growth for me.

Right now, I'm beginning to view where I'm at as an empowering solitude. I do live alone, with my dogs Milo and Noodle, but feel more connected than ever. Connected to my young adult children. My family. My incredible circle of friends. All you Darlings. And I am taking the time to get to know myself better — and loving myself in different ways - taking saunas and cold plunges, soaking in the tub, or going on solo hikes. (Which I do all the time now!) These things, honestly, I didn't do alone when I was married. I rarely did them at all.

Said another way, by Jay Shetty in this Mel Robbins podcast (give it a listen, it’s a good one!), there is a difference between aloneness and solitude.

Loneliness = a feeling of weakness and disconnection.

Solitude = strength, groundedness.

Solitude is connection with self.

My mom has asked me if I am afraid. My sister if I was uncomfortable. No, I'm not afraid. And the only time I really get uncomfortable is when I spend too much time on social media and experience FOMO. But that's easy to remedy.Also, I'm not moving back to California, despite ALL the Bumble matches that pop up when I travel there (!!).

Yes, truthfully, being single is the complete opposite vision that I had for myself — but it’s better! And again, this is pretty new to me. Even just a few months ago, I thought, "I’m never going to find anyone." But now I actually think I may need a little more time just with me so that I can become the best, most attractive version of myself.

This isn’t to say that I don’t want a companion. I would love a companion. I would love intimacy. But this go-around, what I’m realizing, is that I AM my true Valentine. I am getting more comfortable being with myself and by myself. And I believe the only way you can do that is through empowering solitude. Seriously. When was the last time you were intentionally by yourself?

With this realization, I’m also making it a point that each of the women who come on my Detour retreats can find some time safely by themselves. I want this to be an opportunity that all women can take advantage of - empowering solitude. Which is, really, just to step out of your day-to-day and find some quiet so you can really listen to yourself again.

I got a divorce because I was with a person who didn't want to grow with me. I know now that when someone does come into my life, I will be ready to have that be my next chapter. Right now, and thankfully through the beauty of Dare to Detour, I have so many new things to experience on my own. (Just look at my Never Have I Evers!) I don’t think I would be exploring all of those Never Have I Evers if I was still in my relationship.

In life, you either accept the opportunity to listen to your gut, or you are forced to. Breast cancer was the latter for me. Everything completely shifted in perspective and I was forced to listen to my intuition. It was shouting at me to leave my marriage. And so I learned that IF you allow yourself to listen to your gut, you're most often right.

And also what I've realized is that it is a profound act of self-love to give yourself time and space alone.

Especially in partnership.

Especially in partnership and with kids.

Especially when you are single and working full-time.

And also, especially when you find yourself single and on the other side of divorce.

So today I feel like celebrating solitude. And that is very different from being lonely. It is empowering. I have people (and dogs) in my house and many friends in my life. I go out and I seek connection, but I’m not forcing myself into a certain relationship. I have to trust that what is happening for me is right. And therefore, I have more trust in the universe than ever before.

That, my Darlings, is the greatest Valentine's Day gift I could get.