How to End a Chapter
I’m going to put this out here:
It really bothers me when people say you can ‘rewrite a chapter’.
I don’t believe in rewriting chapters.
I believe in ending them.
The minute I crossed the border into Montana driving back from my road trip to Oregon last week, I felt as if I was closing a chapter. I drove there to attend my college homecoming at OSU (I hadn't set foot in that stadium since I graduated). I checked out Bend for the upcoming Daylong Detour in January, and I spent the weekend with my New Old Friends.
We coined the term at our sorority reunion a few years ago. These women, my old Theta gang, have known me since I was 17. They went to my wedding, and they visited me when I first moved to New York. But over the years we had completely lost track of each other.
Such is life.
If anything, my biggest takeaway from that night was that if you have a solid relationship with someone, and life pulls you apart, don’t lose hope. If things are meant to be for you, they will always come back into your life.
While I was driving I was also thinking about the metaphor of a Detour as it relates to beginning a new chapter.
When you’re taking a road trip, you’re not looking into the rearview mirror. You’re eyes are ahead on the road. You’re working with what’s in front of you. (In fact, I can’t even see out the review mirror in my van!)
Detours — like those taken to revisit your college campus — allow us to close a chapter in a meaningful way and start a new one as part of our life’s story. So no, I don’t think we rewrite anything. Our chapters evolve. And instead, we have the opportunity to DECIDE to close a chapter. To do that with grace, and to begin to write a new one…
This is why I call B.S. on all this 'rewrite' stuff. We've lived our life up until this point and everyone has parts of their story they cherish and love, and things they wish didn't happen. I don't want to rewrite anything. I don't want to look back or dwell on the past. That's simply not living life to me.
I’m moving forward, closing a chapter, so that I can start a new one.
This year has been spent finding a way to close a particular chapter in my life; my divorce. I’m trying to take the failure of a 32-year relationship, a complete shattering of my family, and I’m trying to end it without bitterness, without hatred, and to do it with grace. I’m beginning to rewrite a new chapter that is meaningful, aligned with my values, and supports the work I’m doing to become a better person. One that embraces healthier relationships with my kids and my family, and hopefully, one that sets me up for a man who has similar hopes and dreams as I have. That wants to grow and create with me.
So there you have it. This is where I’m at. Closing a chapter. Eyes up, heart open, and looking forward!
And just one more thing. There is so much OPPORTUNITY in closing old chapters. If you're working on closing any chapters in your life, you better freakin’ celebrate!
