By: Anju Samuelson

I started climbing and placed some gear, but none of my gear was that great and I started to panic. I just froze and couldn’t move. Tears were filling my eyes, but I forced myself to continue climbing. I thought it would just go away and I would gain some bravery again. Looking at my gear and realizing how marginal it was, I wouldn’t lower to the ground anyways. On top of this, my friends encouraged me to continue climbing. At some point, I got to a fist-crack and just looking up it, gave me a shiver that filled me with fear. I was able to finally place a good cam and lower back down to the save ground.

Pushing through my fear wasn’t even an option because my body froze. Realizing that I was very afraid and out of my comfort zone was my step to just deal with the fear. Based on my climbing experience this was a climb that should have been well in my wheelhouse. Nevertheless, other factors made this a frightening experience and led that day into anxiety.

I was devasted that I couldn’t climb the route and having my friends witness this, just embarrassed me. The pressure of performance and showing up in a certain way just fed more into the fear. I wasn’t just afraid of bodily injury (which I wasn’t able to assess correctly because I was clouded by fear).

But also, of failure. The deep, personal failure that connects directly to my self-worth.

I haven’t had a fearful experience like this in the past year. I have gotten better at listening and feeling myself, being realistic with my ambitions, and gained more experience with fearful situations.

It feels natural to associate fear with rock climbing; however, fear exists in most people’s lives in many different forms. The approach to conquering and understanding fear can be very similar in daily life and climbing.

Fear is an essential part of our lives but becomes less physically threatening in Western Society where most threats have been extinguished. Ironically enough, activities like rock climbing and mountaineering have been created in order to give us a challenge.

So, why create another challenge in life?

Because the combination of fear, nature, movement, and companionship elevates our feelings to an all-encompassing physical experience.

These outdoor pursuits are almost living in their own vacuum. Encountering a fear of bodily damage while being physically very active increases our endorphins and adrenaline. This a very fine balance, and skill, experience, and fitness are necessary, to find just the right amount of challenge.

For every climber, this means a lifelong journey of learning, testing, and understanding their own boundaries. At some point, it almost becomes a dance where one needs to make decisions with the given factors such as route on rock, fitness level, mood of the day, partner etc. You would realize quickly if you pushed your boundaries too far and from here you can learn to make better decisions in the future.

But mountain pursuits are not in a vacuum. We all bring our own insecurities and fears to the mountain or rock. If we don’t understand how they impact us they either have us leave the sport frustrated, become injured or become bitter and we forget what we love about it.

Fear of failure and fear of rejection are not a warning of bodily injury. This type of fear manifests in us to protect us from unpleasant feelings, interactions, and self-beliefs. But rather than force ourselves through these fears and “overcome” them we need to work with them. For example, being afraid of quitting your job because you think you will lose your income, people will judge you and it isn’t the right step to improve your career.

To think without the constant impact of fear, we need to take small steps (experience), make a rational assessment of the situation (skills), and learn the courage to act outside of other people’s opinions (strength).

It is a dance of fear and love that reassures us of our values and passions and forces us to listen. Only then we can move on and learn more about ourselves and the beauty of life.