The Fear / Joy Connection
The Fear/Joy Connection
How finding joy can rewire your brain.
I've recently become obsessed with a new (to me) neurological concept:
It's impossible to feel fear and joy at the same time.
It started with an article I read about the fascinating research showing how positive emotions can actively inhibit fear responses in our brains. Studies from the University of Wisconsin-Madison have found that the amygdala, which processes fear responses, shows decreased activity by up to 23% when positive emotions are activated. It's like our brains have built-in protection against fear – if we know how to activate it.
As someone who's taken plenty of Detours in life (hello, moving from the West Coast to NYC to the Bay Area to Montana!), I've experienced firsthand how pushing through fear opens doors to unexpected joy. But now I understand the science behind why this works. Joy blocks fear because it uses the same neuropathways in our brains. And since it's impossible to feel both, we have the power to override our fear by seeking joy.
I've since gone down the research rabbit hole on this concept, here's what I've come to understand about experiencing joy.
Think about your brain like a large garden landscaped with pathways. Each time you experience fear or anxiety, you deepen those grooves/certain paths, making it easier for your thoughts to slip back into that familiar pattern. It becomes your default route to take. But here's the beautiful thing – you can create new pathways.
When you deliberately seek moments of joy, awe, or admiration, you're literally reshaping the gray matter in your brain. You're carving out new routes for your thoughts to travel. The more you practice joy, the deeper these alternative pathways become, and the easier it is for your brain to choose them instead of the fear route.
Since stumbling upon this, I've started what I call a "joy practice". I dedicate a few moments each day to something that brings me genuine delight. It's been a helpful pause on days that especially feel like chaos. Science backs this up too. A 2023 study tracking 1,200 participants found that those who engaged in deliberate 5-minute daily joy practices reported 41% fewer anxiety symptoms after 30 days compared to control groups. One month to less anxiety by starting a "joy practice"? I'd say it's worth it!
Another thing I've been diving into is the gender factor. (Can you tell I'm obsessed?) I just started Caroline Paul's book "Tough Broad," where she explores this fear/joy connection as well. She points out something that's been resonating deeply with me – how differently we raise boys and girls when it comes to fear.
Boys are often encouraged to be brave, while girls are taught to be cautious as a form of protection. I see this in my own upbringing. My mother would say, "You know the places you are not safe in," and I wasn't allowed to ride a dirt bike in order to keep me safe (which, by the way, I WILL be learning to do this summer at 59!).
I'm guilty of this too. I've been reflecting on the moments I'ved used different language with my son versus my daughter. Caroline points out that these subtle differences in how we speak to our children translate into how fear becomes embodied in us as adults.
Caroline finds her moments of wonder by surfing the massive waves in Northern California, but you don't have to climb Everest to find this joy/awe connection (though if that's your thing, more power to you!). The beauty of this concept is that it works on a smaller scale too.
So I have an idea for us. I'm Daring you this weekend: Find your joy trigger. What fills you with genuine delight? What makes time seem to stand still? What brings you into a state of flow or wonder?
It might be getting to the top of a mountain peak, feeling the spray of ocean waves, or simply working in your garden. I'm a big proponent that nature is particularly powerful for finding awe. If you're feeling stymied in any way – stuck in a rut, anxious about a decision, or just generally out of sorts – please, go outside! Even 10 minutes can shift your perspective and activate those joy pathways.
I’m curious what you’re joy practice today would look like?
